According to the Mayan calendar the world will come to a catastrophic end on Dec. 21, 2012. I have heard of various ways which will cause the immediate demise of this planet we call home. Some say an asteroid or an invisible planet - known as X or Nibiru - will collide with the Earth. Unlike the movies Bruce Willis and/or Robert Duvall will not be able to save humanity. Alas, the space shuttle program was mothballed too soon. Instead we will become like the dinosaurs.
Others have posited earthquakes of great magnitude which will tear the continents apart and cause huge Tsunamis. Thomas Mulcair is no doubt putting together a press release on how this is the fault of Stephen Harper. The Tories, on the other hand, are likely adding the finishing touches to an attack ad saying: “Forget the NDP’s Carbon Tax. Can we really afford another Trudeau at the nation’s helm? Mother Nature doesn’t think so.”
The idea of a sudden geomagnetic reversal has also been floated. This means that the magnetic North Pole becomes the South and vice-versa. Satellites and computers would be severely messed up. Without access to Apps such as Angry Birds people will believe that the end is indeed nigh. However, while this is an actual phenomenon, good old Wikipedia informs me that it can take between 1,000 - 10,000 years to complete. So, I’m not too concerned.
There are many other suggestions as to how the world may meet its fate. Personally, I think they are all bunk. I don’t think the Vogans will blow up the Earth to make way for a hyperspace bypass. Nor do I think a massive solar flare will choose that day to barbecue us.
Mitchell and Sylvia share my belief, but have enjoyed listening to the various crack-pot theories. Deep down, I think Sylvia would love to see something that disrupted cellphone communications. The devices, and their hypnotized users, could use a cataclysmic event to shake things up. Mitchell, on the other hand, would love to see an alien invasion. And who can blame him? It would be cool.
As for Lydia, she views the upcoming Doomsday as a possible positive. She has been aching to get away for Christmas and go to a sunny beach down south. Unfortunately, Mitchell and Sylvia have nixed that idea. In the past it was out of fear that Santa wouldn’t find them. Now, it’s become set in the family stone. Still, that hasn’t stopped Lydia’s attempts to change tradition.
“If the world is going to end,” Lydia said. “I think we should celebrate Christmas on the 20th. That way we won’t miss it. Then, if the Earth is still here, we’ll be free to travel to Cuba. We won’t have missed anything.”
It was a nice try but it fell flat. Neither child gave her suggestion more than a derisive snort. We weren’t going anywhere and I was secretly glad. After all, I bet Santa doesn’t believe in the Mayan calendar and I would hate to miss him.
atoal@ns.sympatico
Kevin Toal is a freelance writer who expects the radio-waves to be filled with the sounds of REM on Dec. 21.
